laying it down...

... again.

And again.

... and yet again.

This Jesus guy, he means business.  I guess I should have figured that out when Peter, all pious intentions, asked how often one ought to forgive, and offered seven times, magnanimously, he thought.  This Jesus corrected him:  "not seven times, but seven times seven."

So when he says "whoever wants to follow me must deny himself", he means that, and he means it all the way.  Not just once and done, but daily.  (He knows we need the practice, I guess)  If you tell him that you will, that you want to follow him and you're willing to deny yourself in order to do so, your incomplete comprehension is no impediment to him.  He just sets about teaching you.  Right away, if not sooner.

I got me a teaching this morning.

A few days ago I finally bought an armload of material for making curtains for our bedroom, five windows-worth.  The idea had been conceived over a year ago, so now that I have the fabric, I was eager to get the project underway.

Just a little bill-paying this morning, and then while Isaiah had his "rest" (euphemism for "we all need a little break from you and 60 minutes would almost do the trick") I would lay out the first two curtains and get cutting.

But....

"... lay it down ..."

God's plans for my morning did not include making curtains.

He had in mind, instead, correcting pride in one daughter, and rebellion in another.  Scripture was called for in one situation, extra chores in the other.  Tears were involved in both.  Faithfully, pulling the Lion's share of the load on his side of the yoke, he led me true.  Spirits were softened, not broken.  Hearts were gently polished of imperfection until they shone.

It worked, and it was beautiful.  I was grateful, but still I cried.

It was "just" giving up my plans, my desires, my hopes for "my" time.... again.  Just another laying down.  Sometimes it seems that motherhood is knit almost entirely of this difficult, knotted, slippery yarn.

I am hoping it gets easier with time.  Or, at least, that I get more willing.