May 29, 2015

a troubled peace

I texted a friend this morning about my laundry and my grocery list and my longing for peace.  She responded with a phone call, and we wondered together about peace, and what that's supposed to look like in the thick of it, out from between the covers of the Bible, so to speak.

We knew all the Christian-ese.

Trusting in the Lord, regardless of our circumstances.
Finding peace in Christ, resting in his promises.
Leaning not on our own understanding, but acknowledging Him in all our ways.

And so on.

Not that these things aren't true.  They are, and we believe them!  It's just - how does that LOOK, lived out?  How DO you have peace when the children bicker and hurt each other's feelings, sometimes on purpose?!  When things are wearing out right and left, and not just clothing and appliances, but relationships, too?  When you turn to the Bible for renewed life, but it all feels stale and familiar and lifeless?

What is this peace like, that can come in the midst of the storm that is life?

          ...   ...   ...   ...   ...   ...

I always thought that peace is serenely trusting God without ceasing, brow unwrinkled, heart beating slow and even and certain, sound sleep a given.

But I'm wondering . . .

. . . what if peace is feeling the shallow breathing and the quickened heartbeat, and choosing to trust God's goodness through it?  Despite it.

What if it's seeing destruction and animosity in every direction and somehow hoping for a future held by God, anyway?  Even when you almost can't believe it could be good.

What if peace is not the complete absence of fear and anxious thoughts, but a way through them?

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