bittersweet

I got all my babies back tonight, after a whole weekend - Friday morning till late Sunday afternoon - of just me and my Farmer.  I feel a little yanked around inside....

It was so good to see them, Lil' Snip of course, grew taller and cannier in his lengthy absence (Grandma reports that he knows some new words!).  Sugar was eager to go out and ride her bike, Spice wanted to see how the youngest litter of kittens survived the storm (they were just fine), and Everything Nice confided in me that she had hopped a lot at Grandma and Grandpa's house.  She also said she felt like hopping right now - and singing!!  Did I think that would be okay?!  I assured her that I would love for her to hop and sing, just as soon as I finished fixing her ponytails.

And then my Farmer put Lil' Snip to bed and took his daughters to hear a musical family perform at our church.    And I am again without my babies.

I want to cry.  (maybe I will - after all, they're gone and no one will be the wiser....)

We had a fabulous weekend, my Farmer and I.  We slept in.  We ate according to our hunger rather than the clock.  We ran errands without watching the time to be sure we'd be home "in time."  We listened to silence.  We listened to music!  We talked without interruptions.  We watched movies (two!!).  We stayed up late - and talked in audible voices while getting ready for bed, just because we could!  We napped in the hammock (the birds cooperated nicely).  We visited a different church.  We walked around my Farmer's farm, hand in hand, admiring the harvests to come, and picked berries (and swatted at gnats...).

I can't honestly say I missed my children while they were gone.  I thought about them a bit, especially at bedtime.  I worried about them (briefly - I'm getting better about that), but it was nice to have a break from being Mommy & Daddy, nice to rediscover our Husband & Wife selves.

They're gone ... they're back ... they're gone .....

Someone said that to be a mother is to have your heart divided into pieces and watch them walking around outside of your body.  I miss my pieces now.