May 29, 2012

sugar freedom: day 25


(click here for the first post in my sugar freedom story, or here for the entire series)
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May 23, Wednesday

[from my post on MOMYS]

So, the all-or-nothing in me is "nothing" right now.  In the back and forth of things, I am definitely in the back rather than the forth.

The food journal has fallen by the wayside.  So has my husband's participation.

Frankly, I am furious.  (am I allowed to say that?  am I allowed to be that?!)  I thought I was done with sugar.  Healed.  I felt soooo great with it out of my system, I was telling everyone I met how wonderful it is to live without sugar.  FREEEEEEEEEEEE!!

Ha.

I feel like a hypocrite.  I feel like a fool.  I feel like a failure.  (Yes, I know there's a lot of "feel" in there.  Trying to keep fact somewhere in sight.)

So.  I am remembering that [another mom] said there is a lot of back and forth mentally in the beginning.  I served the children dessert for supper (frozen birthday cake from a couple weeks ago) and my husband had some too.  I refrained, mad and martyred.  Was that beneficial?  Hmmm, probably not.

[Another mom] said "when I was thinking like you are now, I would remind myself that I was technically still on step one, and just eat what I wanted until I felt like I could move forward again" ....  So, what does that look like?  Do you just go ahead and have the cake and ice cream, knowing that it would make you feel bad (low energy, low mood, cravings), or do you hold strong (somehow with a good attitude)?  I feel like if I ever eat sugar again I am going to start a mudslide that will be out of my control and put me in a pit so deep I'll never climb out.

(low serotonin / beta-endorphin levels much?!!)

Argh.  Joyce Meyer (of Battlefield of the Mindfame) would just have a field day with me I'm sure.

I wonder how it goes for other sugarfree-ers - anyone care to volunteer your attempts at breaking the addiction?  Are you even-steven all the time?  How long did it take you to get there?!  Staying completely away from sugar?  Or giving in sometimes and paying for it but then getting back on track?  Or giving in and giving up?

It's easy to share the victory stories. Not so fun the frustrations. Thanks for listening......
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(click here for the next post in the series, here for the first post in my sugar freedom story, or here for the entire series)



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